When my neighbor stubbornly refused to turn off his blinding floodlights at night, I knew my husband and I had to get creative. Instead of escalating the conflict, we devised a clever plan that solved the problem and kept the peace in our neighborhood.
I still remember the day that the Thompsons moved in next door. They seemed like a nice enough couple, and my wife, Gia, got on with Susan instantly. They spoke about unpacking boxes while Gia hung our clothes on the line.
A moving van | Source: Midjourney
It seemed like we finally had a couple around our age we could sit back and hang out with. The husband, Mark, was a corporate guy, and he traveled a lot because of work. His wife, Susan, was the complete opposite. She was a homebody and seemed to have phobias of just about everything.
“Seriously, Anthony,” Gia told me when she was making toasted sandwiches for us. “Susan said that she had a phobia of the dark, thunderstorms, snakes, clowns, and spiders. And she said that even the sound of the wind howling through the trees sends shivers up her spine.”
A woman toasting sandwiches | Source: Midjourney
“Is she being for real or just dramatic?” I asked as I poured some juice.
“I have no idea,” Gia replied. “But it’s just what she told me over the fence now.”
Now, I’m reasonable. I’m all for understanding people’s quirks and fears. We all have them.
But, as time went on, Susan’s fear of the dark led to a problem that quickly started messing with Gia and me.
A woman hiding her face in fear | Source: Midjourney
The problem was their damn floodlights over the garage.
At first, it didn’t seem like a big deal. Mark and Susan got those lights installed after they moved in. And anyway, I had gotten ours installed a few months before as well, but our lights were much kinder on the eyes.
Instead, their lights were the kind that you’d see in front of a prison or an airport.
“They’re just blinding LEDs, Anthony,” Gia complained after the first night of barely any sleep. “I’m sure that you could see them from space.”
A house with bright lighting | Source: Midjourney
“Do you want me to talk to them?” I asked her as she put on thick concealer under her eyes.
“No, I’ll speak to Susan,” she said. “I’m sure she’ll understand.”
Naturally, she didn’t.
“She said that she needs them. Like really, Anthony. She insists that they stay on all night because they make her feel safe when Mark is away,” Gia said, walking into the house in frustration.
A couple sitting and talking | Source: Midjourney
“I understand that,” I said diplomatically. “But the problem is that they shine right into our bedroom window. That’s not on.”
We decided not to cause any issues and went out to buy thick curtains and a set of blackout blinds, and once, we even tried to rearrange our bed.
Nothing worked.
Every night, I’d lie in bed, feeling that relentless light piercing through, making sleep a distant memory.
A man lying in bed | Source: Midjourney
After a week of restless nights, I decided that it was time to approach Mark and Susan. As much as I understood her need for safety, I was also getting irritable from the lack of sleep.
I walked over one afternoon, catching Susan sitting on the lawn reading a book, and I politely brought up the lights.
“Hey, Susan,” I started, trying to sound casual. “I wanted to ask if there’s any chance you could turn off those floodlights after 11 or 12 p.m.? They’re shining directly into our bedroom, and it’s been a bit difficult to sleep.”
A woman reading on the grass | Source: Midjourney
Susan looked at me with a tight smile.
“Oh, I’m so sorry about that, Anthony!” she said. “But you see, with Mark away so often, I just feel safer with them on. You know, in case anyone tries to break in. I’ve explained it to Gia.”
I tried reasoning with her, but nothing worked.
“I can help you install a timer so that the lights switch on and off at certain times, Susan. It’s easy!” I said.
A smiling man | Source: Midjourney
“I just don’t think I’d feel comfortable with that,” she said firmly, her voice leaving no room for negotiation.
I walked back home to where Gia handed me a beer and continued making dinner.
“At least you tried,” she said, looking at my face.
Over the next few weeks, I brought up the subject a couple more times. I even spoke to Mark when he was home, thinking he might be a bit more reasonable.
A man holding a bottle of beer | Source: Midjourney
“Really, Anthony, do you think it’s easy for me to leave my wife when I go on work trips? I worry about her all the time. The only resolve seems to be these lights. They make her feel safe, and that’s important to me.”
So, the lights stayed on, and we kept losing sleep.
That’s when my thoughts started drifting into darker, unpleasant territory.
“What if I just climbed up there and unscrewed the bulbs?” I asked Gia one morning over breakfast.
A plate of breakfast | Source: Midjourney
“It would take too long,” she muttered.
“Or I could take them out with the pellet gun. Quick and clean. It’s in the garage somewhere.”
“This isn’t you, honey,” she said, smiling. “As frustrated as you are, this isn’t you.”
“You’re right,” I said.
This was true. I wasn’t about to start a neighborhood war over this.
A smiling woman | Source: Midjourney
“But you could do something harmless,” Gia continued. “Susan and I are going to get our nails done tomorrow. We should be away for an hour. Enough time?”
I nodded.
The next day, after Gia and Susan left, I grabbed the ladder from the garage and crept over to the house next door. I carefully unscrewed each bulb a little bit.
I didn’t want to take them out. I just wanted to make sure that by unscrewing the bulb, the electric connection would be off.
A man on a ladder | Source: Midjourney
That night, not long after Susan put the lights on, they flickered for a few moments and then went out.
“Oh, finally,” Gia said as she turned to her side.
The next morning, we both woke up feeling more refreshed than we had in weeks. The plan had worked. Gia and I were able to sleep in blissful darkness.
As I put the coffee machine on, I half-expected Susan to come knocking on my door, but it seemed they hadn’t noticed.
A coffee machine on a counter | Source: Midjourney
Weeks turned into months, and still, the lights stayed off. I figured that maybe they had given up on keeping them on all night.
“Maybe they realized that their electricity bill was just too high,” Gia shrugged.
But one day, out of the blue, I saw Mark tinkering with something outside. He was standing on the ladder, tightening the bulbs back into place.
A man holding his head | Source: Midjourney
Sure enough, that night the lights blazed back on, as if brighter than ever. I sighed, bracing myself for another round of sleepless nights while my wife cursed under her breath. But then I remembered that if something worked once, it could work again.
So, I repeated my little trick.
This back-and-forth went on for the better part of a year. Every time Mark would tighten the bulbs, I’d loosen them right back. It became a routine.
A woman in bed | Source: Midjourney
But then, one Saturday morning, as I was trimming the hedges, Mark wandered over. We hadn’t really spoken much since my first confrontation about the lights.
“Anthony,” he said. “Have you had any trouble with your outdoor lights?”
“Trouble? What kind of trouble?”
“Well, ours keep going out. And I’ve had to retighten the bulbs a few times now, but they keep loosening up. It’s the strangest thing.”
A man trimming hedges | Source: Midjourney
I fought to keep a straight face, nodding sympathetically.
“You know, I’ve had the same issue. It’s probably the vibrations from the traffic on our street or something like that. They can rattle things loose over time.”
I didn’t know how I managed to say that with a straight face.
“That makes sense,” he said. “I’ll just have to keep an eye on them.”
A man looking thoughtful | Source: Midjourney
“Or, you could leave them off. I eventually gave up on mine for the same reason. It’s much less of a headache than having to pull out the old ladder every time.”
Mark seemed to consider this, then shrugged.
“Yeah, maybe you’re right, we don’t need to worry about that. Thanks, Anthony.”
And just like that, Gia and I returned to our peaceful evenings of utter darkness.
A couple sleeping peacefully | Source: Midjourney
What would you have done?
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